2/3/18  Wow.  I quit my nursing job with no notice.  I’ve never done that before.  
 
I’ve been done for 5 days now and have had a little time to think.
 
I went into nursing for the money and the flexibility, and because going to the hospital as a kid excited me.  I’m weird I guess.
 
It took me about 5 years to finally “like” being a nurse, and I believe what I really liked was my co-workers and our night shift environment.  I just learned to deal with, and do the job.
 
5 years later I wanted to give it up completely.  I bought a campground with hopes that I’d only work one more year at nursing and then give it up for good.  That didn’t happen because we needed the income.
 
I took the last year off (2017) and really didn’t miss nursing at all.
 
I went back.  I struggled for 3 weeks with anxiety and panic attacks which culminated on Monday into me being out of control of my emotions and quitting my job.  There is a lot more to that story including unsafe job conditions and overwhelming nurse:patient ratios.
 
I don’t regret it.  I currently feel like I want to distance myself from saying “I’m a nurse”.  I really believe that I was never meant for this profession (at least at the bedside) and that there are probably a lot of people like me out there.  People who needed a job that paid well and are making the best of it.  After 20 years, I’ve finally come to know my truth.
 
However…what do I do now?  It’s what I’ve known for my whole adult life.  How do you just give up a career….at age 50?  Where do you go from there?  I’ve been exploring all those questions and I don’t have answers yet but I know I need something different.  I have a lot of work to do to figure out what comes next.  I could see staying in the medical field doing something paperwork/computer related.   Or maybe I’ll stick with the hospitality/travel industry and find something new there.  Lots to think about…..
 
I give a lot of credit to my fellow RN’s who are at the bedside day in and day out providing care.  It’s the hardest job I’ve ever known, with some of the longest hours and the least appreciation for what you do.  I salute you!!